Angry Days, Happy Days

The angry days.  Anyone who's ever been in a romantic relationship of over a year knows what I mean - the days when you and your partner kind of want to deck each other:

Fighting used to feel like a bad sign to me.  Like an omen that my relationship was doomed.  Bossyboots and I rarely fight, but it does happen (because we're normal!)

Last year, I read Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen.  There were about 8,000 things in that book that were amazing, but one scene really hit home to me.  There's a section where a mother is questioning her son about his relationship with his girlfriend.  She asks (paraphrased) "Do you guys fight?"  She goes on to explain that if they never fight, that means they aren't being real with each other; they're living in fantasy land.  Being real and genuine means fighting sometimes.

That idea stuck with me, and I love it.  Often, I think some of us don't say what we really feel (expressed with love!)  Sometimes my efforts to be respectful of others' opinions/feelings means I overly squelch my own.  And I know I want to know what my partner really wants - I don't need him to agree with me on everything.  If Bossyboots and I agreed on everything... how would we grow?  Part of why I believe in marriage isn't just for the cuddles, legal benefits, or tax breaks - it's because a valuable partnership is challenging.  

Obviously the kind of fighting that involves name-calling or craziness is no bueno, and it's not good to always be fighting, but... a reasonable amount of fighting is nothing to be afraid of.  In fact, maybe it's a good thing.  It means we love each other for who we really are.

Gettin' Engaged in Galena

OK, after a MONTH of waiting for the engagement ring to be sized, reset, yadda, yadda - Bossyboots and I finally picked up the engagement bling for keeps this weekend!  It was a good moment. :)  So NOW I can write about our New Years Galena trip, along with the accompanying exciting events!

So, Bossyboots and I are old souls, and we've discovered that we love to take weekend trips to resort towns, like old fogies.  Last year, we spent New Year's in Galena at a great bed and breakfast - we loved it so much that we decided to come back for NE 2011.  We spent two days unplugged from our phones and computers (the wifi's slow, and our phones didn't work out there in the boonies anyhow!)

On Thursday, December 30th, we set off on the three hour drive in the midst of Superwinter...

It was SO snowy and white outside.

After plenty of toasty beverage stops, we FINALLY arrived in Galena!

Bossyboots and I like to wait until New Years to exchange gifts, partially because it's fun to draw out Christmas, and partially because... we still spend Christmas with our individual families, so exchanging gifts between Chicago and Dallas is kinda difficult.

Because I am greedy (!), I WANTED TO OPEN PRESENTS AS SOON AS WE CHECKED INTO OUR HOTEL!  At this point, Bossyboots got super weird and nervous.  He brought out his gift for me and said...

"I have to tell you something.  I've been telling you that I've been taking my car to the mechanic, but that was a lie.  I've actually been running around because I had a Christmas gift disaster and had to scramble.*  I bought you your real present several weeks ago, but then this week, I found out it never shipped and wouldn't get here on time.  SO I had to get you a backup gift."

OK, Weirdo, just give me my pretty present!  ;)

So then I open my present, and it's the BEST possible present anyone could give me...  every single National Geographic magazine, article, and photo from 1886 to 2009 on CD-ROM.  I LOVE National Geographic, and I'd been really wanting this CD-Rom set!!  The "backup gift" is pretty great!

Then Bossyboots opened his gifts from me: a 50mm lens, with accompanying filters...

*I later found out that the "running around" was ring shopping!

FUN!

After that, we spent two days just hanging out and relaxing and eating and drinking.  We started out by going to this GREAT ice cream and popcorn shop.  They even had a Chicago mix, which is caramel corn mixed with cheddar corn.  It was pretty good, but of course you can't beat the original: Garretts.

Galena is chock full of little places to shop.  Bossyboots and I aren't big shoppers, but it was fun to look at all the wares and walk around taking photos.

 We love, love, love spicy food and have a passion for hot sauce, so we definitely made a special stop at the Hot Sauce Emporium on New Year's Eve.  We saw that they carry a Ghost sauce and made BIG claims about the hotness level... so of course we had to burn our faces off by tasting it.

Galena is also home to President Grant's home as a historic spot, so we stopped out there to look around and take snowy shots.

We had planned to get all dressed up for New Year's Eve dinner, but we were having fun just knocking around, so we switched gears and just stayed out until dinner time!  We spent a few hours just drinking coffee and reading newspapers (NOT on a computer, the actual printed dinosaur).  It was lovely.

By the time New Year's dinner time rolled around, we were pretty relaxed!!  We ate steaks at 111 Main, and they were delicioso.

Then, we headed back to our hotel to play board games and drink champagne.  Apparently, this is when I started foiling all Bossyboots' proposal plans.  The entire evening back at the hotel, he was hiding the ring box in the couch cushions, in random pots, in suit pockets.  He was paranoid about losing the box, so that meant he felt the need to move it every ten minutes.  :)

He wanted to watch the Dick Clark NYE show and drink champagne.  I thought that was boring (because it IS!) and didn't want to comply.  However, I saw he was disappointed so (BIG SIGH!) I just did what he wanted.  For a few hours we played Clue and watched TV.  I could tell he was a sad panda about the fact that I didn't want any champagne, so I gave in on that point, too, so that he wouldn't be sad. (WHATEVER!)  Finally, the ball dropped in NYC, so I thought we were done doing boring stuff, but Bossyboots...

WANTED TO WATCH THE RERUN OF THE BALL DROPPING since it was only 11p in Galena.  Dang you, Dick Clark.

At this point, Bossyboots was really killing me with the TV watching, but I decided that it wouldn't kill me to be nice for once.  We watched that ball-dropping show AGAIN.  

At midnight, we smooched like you're supposed to, and we had our romantic moment "I love you.  You're the best thing that's happened to me...." Smoochy smoochy.  Then, Bossyboots stands up and acts all nervous again.  (I was still clueless)  He pulls out - wait, is that a RING box?? - a tiny box.  Then he says "You know how I said that your Christmas present didn't come in?  Well, I actually have it right now."  Then that guy gets on one knee, and I finally clue in to what's going on!

Kissyface and crying ensues!  I think I said "yes" somewhere in the melee.  Mass texting and phone calls followed!  It was pretty exciting.  :)

And now that I have my ring back from the jeweler, you can see it, too!

Bossybooty WIN

I realized that I don't think I've ever written about how Bossyboots and I became a "thing".  It actually started way back in summer 2001 - that's 9.5 years ago, if you're counting.

I graduated from The Theatre School at Chicago's DePaul University in May 2001, with a BFA in Production Management.  Immediately after graduation, I started work as a Second Assistant Stage Manager at Chicago Shakespeare Theater:

(SOURCE)

I was fresh out of college, and I was excited to work full-time - life was a new adventure after four years of academia.  I was assigned to a production of The Wizard of Oz, complete with creepy Munchkin puppets and all.  

The way theatre works is that you rehearse for several weeks with the cast in a rehearsal space, then you move into the performance space a couple weeks before opening.  In the theatre world - the show team becomes a tiny little faux family for those months that you're together.  We eat together, dress together, go out together - nobody that works in theater is modest or shy (or at least not for long).

Anyway.  When our show moved into the performance space, I met a very blonde guy named Bossyboots.  He worked stage crew; I worked on the stage manager team - our whole crew were buds.  Our team went out for beers, threw parties, hung out on Chicago's Navy Pier - all while running a show that performed eight times a week.

Unbeknownst to me, the entire time we were hanging out, Bossyboots thought I was cute and had "intentions."  One night, we both had the night off, and he invited me to see another show that was playing at CST.  Apparently, this was supposed to be a ROMANTIC DATE where Bossyboots told me what was up.  However, these Bossybooty intentions were not relayed to me, so I thought we were buds hanging out, just like every other night of the week!  We attended the show, and then went to our respective homes.  Date FAIL!

After a couple months of Bossybooty FAIL, I threw a small party at my apartment after Friday performances.  Everybody came over.  Music was played.  Drinks were had.  This was supposed to be the BIG night where Bossyboots made "the move", but I had a few drinks too many, bailed on my own party, told Bossyboots and our other show-friend to spoon on the couch, and promptly passed out in my own room, as is proper for a young lady.  Bossyboots says there was even a door slam (but that is NOT true!)  

Bossybooty FAIL #2.

Just a week or so after Bossybooty FAIL #2, I scored a promising job offer at a different theater, soooooo I quit Chicago Shakespeare.  No more Bossyboots; new theatre friends.

MANY years later, in 2008, I was walking the halls at my current employer, and what do I see?  A new employee who was very tall, with very blonde head of hair.  Who was this guy?  He gave me a funny look, too.  Clearly we knew each other - but from where?  A few days later, I saw Blondie again, and this time he walked up to me...  "Penny?  Do you remember me from Chicago Shakes?  I'm Bossyboots!"

Well, knock me over with a spoon.  

In any case, he had a girlfriend; I had a boyfriend.  No Bossybooty was going to happen, so we just said hello in the hallway now and then.

Fast forward to 2009 - he and his girlfriend had broken up; and Bossyboots and I were Facebook friends.  He saw my relationship status change from "in a relationship" to "engaged" to "single".  

Promptly one week after I went "single", that boy was hitting me up on Facebook...  "So what are you doing?"  "Want to get drinks?"  "What's going on?"  Clearly the shy Bossyboots of yesteryear was no more!  Meanwhile I was busy recuperating from the single worst relationship of my life - an abusive, addicted ex-fiance.  The online flirtfest with Bossyboots was one of the few fun things I had going on back then, in the midst of a broken heart.

Bossyboots' and my mutual employer sent our entire company on a great group vacation in summer 2009.  Up until this vacation, Bossyboots and I had kept our contact strictly electronic and technically platonic.  Once we were on vacation though, Bossyboots and I started hanging out, and as soon as we returned to Chicago, he asked me out on a real, live date.  FULL DISCLOSURE: He HAD smooched me (PG-style smooching!) on the vacation after 24/7 hanging out, and it WAS the best kiss of my life, but.... you know how those things go - was it vacation fun or was there something real here?

We went on our first legit date on a Friday night.  I hadn't been on a date with a new guy in 4.5 years, so there was champagne pre-gaming going on.  (I was NERVOUS!)  He picked me up at 7p... and we parted ways at 4:30a.  After three successive dates that all ended after sunrise... it was pretty clear that we both had some crushing going on.  (And I will SWEAR in a court of law that all smooching was PG!  PG PG PG PG)*

A year and a half later...  Bossyboots has been the best thing that has happened to me.  He is kind and loving.  He has a multitude of opinions and is a great match for my bulldozer personality.  I respect and admire him so much, and he puts on a Bossyboots Comedy Show for me every day.  He is so passionate about many things.  He shows me every day how much he loves me, and he lets me do the same for him.  He encourages me to be my best self and to go after my dreams.  I am so thankful that The Universe gave us a second chance to find each other again.

He's also pretty dang cute.  

And so, this past New Year's Eve, when Bossyboots asked me to marry him - I said yes.  We be getting hitched!

I love this guy a whole lot.  <3

Don't judge our bedraggled appearance! This photo was taken at 3a after a series of tears, champagne, and mucho family phone calls. We're cute in real life, I promise. ;)

*PG!

The Rules

Those of you over the age of twenty-two have likely heard of a series of books titled The Rules, by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

This week, I got into a conversation with a friend of mine about when you're dating... who pays for dinner?  One of The Rules is that women need to let men pay for dinner - that it's the only way to "get them to commit".  As we all know, The Rules are fraught with stereotypes and unsavory manipulative techniques, but there are kernels of truth in there, too. 

My friend told me that, for her, she has always felt that her dates should pay for dinner, at all times, no matter how long they've been dating.  She said that she spends plenty of money on nails, hair, cute clothes, etc, and that it's a respect thing.  She just got married, so now, of course, it's a moot point!  I thought that was interesting, because though she and I have very similar personalities (super-independent, well-educated, etc), I totally feel differently.  I definitely believe, at the beginning, that the guy should be paying for things.  I take his insistence to pay as a signal of how much he wants to date me.  If he lets me pitch in for dinner on a first, second, or third date... he loses significant points.  It tells me he doesn't really care all that much about impressing me.  However, once we've been dating for a few months, I definitely start pitching in.  I'd say I spend about an equal amount as my date.  I think it's in part to say "I can take care of myself - I CHOOSE to be with you."  A lot of meaning in such a small gesture!  In some ways, I'm definitely a dating traditionalist - in other ways, I guess I veer a bit left. 

What about you?  Are you a wallet-opener or do you keep your wallet locked tight?

Unexpected Flowers are the Best Kinds of Flowers

This is what I looked at every day when I got home last week.