The "B*tch" Myth (?)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010 at 7:00AM 
Do not be distracted by Amy Adams' assets.Recently, I was flipping through my January Marie Claire and fell upon a quickie interview with the most recent winner of Project Runway Gretchen Jones. It was a pretty standard fluff piece, except for one statement that really caught my attention:
The only adjective for a go-getter woman seems to be 'bitch'. You get categorized so quickly, and it's hard to strip away. - Gretchen Jones
Aaaaand I could not disagree with her more. Sure, if you run around making incredibly inappropriate demands or treat your colleagues with abuse or disrespect, then yes you will get called a bitch... because you are being a bitch.
I consider myself a go-getter. I make decisions about what I want, think through why I want them, and then I do everything I can to get there. I am clear with others about what I want, and I bust it to do everything I need to make those goals happen. In general, I think I'm pretty good at getting what I want most of the time legitimately, without stomping on anyone. And you know what? Nobody has ever called me a bitch (other than that guy on the highway!). Actually, I don't think I've met more than one or two women IN MY LIFE that have dealt with a colleague calling an ambitious woman a "bitch".
About five years ago, a friend who I really look up to gave me great advice. She said "No matter what's going on around you, be yourself. If everyone in the room wants to go left, and you want to go right, don't pretend you agree - speak your mind and tell the truth. That's integrity. That's being the real deal."
This isn't 1952, and women aren't the tread-upon creatures of yesteryear when it comes to the USA. People that lose their temper and act crazy will get called names, no matter their gender. Sometimes, I think women hide behind The Bitch Myth so that they don't have to live up to expectations. It's easy to be lazy or cowardly when you can pretend brave choices won't make a difference. Sure, some women work in "Good Ole' Boy" industries where there is a legit gender prejudice to fight against. Most of us don't.
What do you think? Am I totally out-of-touch here? Is Go-Getter As Bitch real... or not real?
Random
Reader Comments (3)
I don't think bitch and go-getter are synonymous by any means. I'm not really a go getter (more of a "work really hard and hope someone notices" kind of person...which I'd like to work on) but as someone that stands more in the middle of the crowd than the front, I will say that the leaders that I will willingly follow are NEVER bitches. NEVER.
This isn't to say that demanding, bitchy people don't get what they want. They do a lot of the time, simply by scaring the crap out of people around them. But I think they make it harder on themselves...it's almost like taking the long route to getting what you want and leaving a tornado in your wake.
It probably depends on the industry and corporate atmosphere. While I've got it good, typically in my industry you are labeled a bitch for being a go-getter. Mainly because to succeed IN that industry, you have to act a certain way. My firm is currently promoting it's Worth campaign for women, and you'd be AMAZED at the stories I've heard. I think many of us, myself included, have no ideas how hard it still is for many women out there.
In my industry, while people haven't come out directly and said it, I do feel it to some extent. I'm in a very male-dominated industry, and the only other women I come into contact with are personal assistants and a couple of junior consultants..
I just listened to a really good TED talk about some of the gender challenges in the workforce, and particularly how men who are successful are generally well-liked, and women are not. It's definitely worth a listen: http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html