Sex God C8: Johnny and June

This week, Chapter Eight is all about marriages that move, the kind of relationships that have legs - the couple is eighty years old and still getting to know each other.  That's kind of awesome, right? 

I extend this to my family and friends even.  My sister Tweets is probably the person who knows me best out of anyone.  We shared a room growing up and shared uncountable fun times, secrets, tears, laughs, milestones, trials and tribulations.  We have each had a couple significant boytoys (Tweets is off the market now!  Hi, James!)  and of course those boyfriends knew us in a totally different way than anybody else possible could, but I think the principle still applies...  How long does it take to truly know someone? Hopefully, a lifetime. :)

In the first section, Bell talks about the idea of partners in a relationship being strong where the other is weak.  I see his reasoning, but I actually disagree a bit.  This works when the two partners are relatively healthy - one person can't be leaning too hard on the other person for a long period of time.  Here is a scenario that was described to me, and something I found helpful: When two damaged people are in a relationship, they are like two flamingos, leaning on each other and fighting to stay balanced so that no one tips over.  When two healthy people are in a relationship, they can hold hands and stand securely.

Bell also talks about how if a couple decides to get married, they are forming a NEW family and their families of origin become secondary.  How many marriages do you know that are fraught with in-law drama?  On the inside of a marriage, I think the two people involved need to respect that the good of their family comes first - conversely the families have to respect that as well.  This doesn't mean shutting the family of origin OUT, it just means not allowing in-law drama to consume and negatively affect the marriage.  Easier said than done, in some cases.  I think a fair number of husbands and wives would say that they feel that everyone else is more important to their partner - that they don't feel #1.  Their partner puts work first, puts friends first, puts themselves first, puts other family members first.... the partner gets taken for granted.  After all, they'll be at home waiting! :/  Interesting.

I really love THIS QUOTE from Chapter eight:

"We want someone to see us exactly as we are and still love us... What would it be like to be with someone who loves you exactly as you are?" (p155)

Why is that so scary?  Well, sometimes we have really scary things to tell other people.  Sometimes we're insecure.  Sometimes we're in denial.  I love that feeling though.  There are definitely a few people in the world that know everything about me, and they still love me.  I have also had experiences where my besties have had or created horrible things in their lives, and you know what?  I just loved them even more.  When someone loves you, really loves you, they love you even when you are making big mistakes.  It's true!  (Love meaning "Hey, bud, you have problems you need to work on, but I will be here to support you while you work on them.")

He also talks about how marriage is a window to something greater - that through marriage you can see a growing, harmonious, sacred world.  I like that thought, too.

The last thing I want to talk about is the deeper level of being loved exactly as you are...  Bell sums it up well (I though so, anyway!) by talking about how it's easy for people to take their clothes off and have sex, that people do it all the time.  However, it's so much harder to actually open your soul to someone, to share hopes, dreams, fears, weaknesses, good and bad - it's a different kind of love/sex/connection, which is why when people rush into sex, that's rushing ahead of the progression of connecting to someone.  People do it all the time, but that's not truly connecting, being truly naked in front of someone.  It's apples and oranges!  And if we understand that we are mirrors of God, infinite in depth... we understand that it truly takes a lifetime to get to know someone. 

I think that's kinda neat.

Weekly Practice: Hmmmm, I think that this week, I want to pay attention to who I am leaning on too much, who's leaning on me too much, and who I stand securely with.  I don't want to be a flamingo!  Well, maybe a pink, sparkly flamingo - that wouldn't be too bad.  :)

QUESTIONS:

• Is there lots to get to know about yourself?  Do you have lots to learn about your partner?  Are you interested in learning those things?
• Do you take your relationship for granted?
• If marriage is a window to God, what would people see through the window of your relationship?
• Taking into account the definition of initmacy above, has anyone ever seen you totally naked? Why or why not?
• Are your sex life and your emotional life in sync?
• And finally, does anyone want to bring me a soda?  Because I am fully parched over here.  :) (cough, cough)