Sex God C7: Under the Chuppah

*This blog is hosting an online book club featuring the book Sex God, by Rob Bell, with discussions that post about once weekly.  This post refers to Chapta' 7!

I love this chapter - a chapter about who gets to participate in your marriage.  I was extremely lucky to grow up with two parents that loved each other, with clear and strict boundaries.  I count myself extraordinarily lucky that I never had to deal with a home that housed porn or extramarital relationships, etc.  As I grow older, I find how rare that type of mindset is.  Our family definitely isn't perfect (whose is?) but this is an area I have always been clear on.  My parents did a fantastic job of teaching us kids that the only people, real or imaginary, that you let into your relationship are you and your partner.

I will say I have never read the sacredness of marriage in such a beautiful way as Bell lays out in Chapter 7.  It makes me want to convert to Judaism, which includes so many amazingly incredible and poignant rituals.

Bell starts by not-so-subtly referencing Jessica Simpson's and Nick Lachey's participation in the wildly "successful" Newlyweds.  They let EVERYONE into their marriage, including me, who watched every episode with my roomies, a Coke, and popcorn.  We all know how that turned out.

Bell continues by turning to how God brought the Hebrew slaves out of Egypt so long ago with a promise to make them his chosen people, his bride.  If you aren't familiar with the story, shortly thereafter, his people found their new relationship with God to be pretty difficult out in the desert, and they"cheated" by taking on other gods, splitting their focus from the one to whom they promised themselves.  Bell frames it as they broke God's heart, and then spent the next 40 years in a desolate exile.

"This was supposed to be a beautiful thing, but the people haven't been faithful.  They've broken God's heart." (p134)

He also talks about how a marriage is sacred and holy, that the glory of God rests on it.  The marriage chuppah is for the bride and groom only, covered by God.  This illustrates how incredibly, INCREDIBLY, the marriage covenant must be respected and protected, in all ways.  You can't just be invitin' everybody in willy nilly!

In the ancient world, you weren't married until the marriage was consummated, and that marriage got consummated immediately after the ceremony... with everyone hanging outside the tent, and the open bar didn't open til the new couple emerged (the pressure!)  Ummmm, I would not like that.  In ancient times, my ass would have stayed an old maid just to avoid the scrutiny!

Creepy yes, but this facet to ancient Hebrew weddings serves to show how central a sexual relationship is to marriage.  Choosing to embark on a sexual relationship IS actually an important decision.  In God's eyes, you are choosing that person in marriage (how's that for heavy!)  Not that we all follow that thought, but it's good to be aware.  :) 

In the world around us, sex gets pulled out from under the marriage chuppah all the time: movies, pictures, adultery, etc.  That's not where it belongs or works the best (not by a long shot.)  In marriage the exclusivity is what says "I choose you."

"We have to be very careful about what we share.  Because when you give it away, you no longer have it." (p139)

Weekly Practice:  I am by no means married, but I am going to think about who I am allowing myself to be close to... friends, colleagues, etc. 

QUESTIONS:

*I use the word "partner" because many longterm gay couples are not ALLOWED to marry in the U.S., and I think they should have a voice in this discussion.  As you might guess, I am 150% pro gay-marriage.

• Who is under the chuppah?  Is it crowded or lonely?  Is your partner underneath that canopy with you?
• Would you describe marriage as sacred or as a covenant?  What words would you choose?
• Do you feel you value and respect what sex is?  If not, how do you see sex differently?
• Is your relationship between you and your partner, or between you, your partner, and lots o' other people?
• Do you tell negative jokes about your partner?  Are they really jokes?
• Why did you choose your partner? 
• Is your marriage underneath a chuppah, or is it just a sheet on four sticks?

Comments

[Geek in Heels]

I just want to say that I've really been enjoying this series. Keep up the good work!

[SingleOne]

Definitely the most memorable chapter for me. Really affected my views in a big way. Arguably the most insightful chapter in this book.